Self-Love is NOT Selfish: 6 self-loving tips for a better you!

Self-love is NOT Selfish

Oh, to be wholly in love with yourself. That is not selfish.

For an awfully long time, I would read a bunch of books and quotes on self-love. I remember coming across the words 'self-love is not selfish' and I pondered on this. I never truly understood what the full meaning of self-love meant.

I mean, I liked myself so surely that was enough?

But it never was enough. Self-love is an action, not just a feeling

It was never enough because I never truly knew how to love myself. What I knew was how to help others feel happy and loved. So I thought that was enough for my self-love as I was doing the right thing by others.

This year has taught me so many lessons and now I understand the truth of self-love.

The Truth about self-love

It's accepting your flaws and being okay afterwards.

Self-love is understanding the real YOU!

Accepting the sensitive and empathetic you.

Accepting that you don't need to look or say the perfect thing. Accepting that everything will be okay as long as you had YOU!

Self-love IS loving YOU but in a much deeper way than just your outer shell. It's loving the inner you and taking actions every day to give yourself that love.

I have been on a spiritual journey this year with the word Self-love and I am beyond excited to share with you some of my top tips on how to open your heart fully to yourself.

In each topic, I will discuss with you on a very personal level of how & why it is important to implement these into your life if you truly want to feel that love.

#1 Setting healthy boundaries

This includes you too!

I struggled big-time entirely understanding & learning this. Setting healthy boundaries is about honouring yourself enough to say NO to what isn't good for you. Boundaries act as a buffer to protect yourself emotionally from any upsetting situation.

I battled with saying no. No to family, no to friends, no to the boss and no to myself. Self-love is putting yourself first. Understand that it's okay if you don't want to do something just because it would only make someone else happy and not you.

Your happiness is always the No.1 priority here.

I struggled with this when it came to any type of confrontation. Being empathy I naturally feel other's emotion, so whenever the thought of saying no to someone or standing up for myself appeared I would back down into my turtle shell. I would rather put up with not being happy temporarily to keep someone else happy.

Enough is Enough. Time to say NO Sis and set your healthy boundaries.

Ways to do this:

  • Tune into your feelings - when it doesn't feel good.. you know what to do.

  • Figure out what you will and won't accept out of life and people.

  • Permit yourself to have these boundaries in place.

  • BE DIRECT - Say no and walk away with dignity. You always come first, babe!

  • Honour yourself and give loving words back.

  • Seek support - people you trust can help you understand how to do this.

  • Practise small if you are not confident and accept that it is okay.

#2 Spend quality time with you

At the end of all this.. you only have you.

It is time to be your own best friend. To do this, you will need to spend time alone and be okay with this. Growing up, I hated alone time. I hated the thought of having no one around me. Not because I loved the attention but more of the fear of being left out in this world. (This also comes back to childhood, which is a whole other topic.)

The older I grew the better I was at mastering this skill but it didn't fully come to me until I became an international hostess. I was in a job that forced me to quickly learn how to be alone in a different country for days at a time. Don't worry, it took me a good year to fully accept this lifestyle with many crying nights alone and wines.

However, I think this was the BEST thing for me as a character-building and Self-loving guide on how to love myself completely.

The reason you want to get comfortable being alone is that this will help build your self-esteem for romantic relationships and with personal independence and confidence. If you are someone who loves spending quality time with yourself, then that's awesome, move onto the next tip. :) For those that are not there yet then please take some of my advice on how I started to action this into my world.

  • Go to the library and read a book.

  • Watch a movie alone.

  • Start taking yourself out to breakfast, bring your computer if you must.

  • Go for long walks in new places. Find the beauty in your area.

  • Journal your thoughts, have a bubble bath, learn to cook or learn about plants!

  • Or if you are feeling confident, dress up and go to the local market and start talking to people. You never know who you can meet!

I had to get used to being uncomfortable, so the first thing I would do is to be comfortable being alone and in public! Not needing someone there to hold your hand is the most powerful self-love feeling you will ever experience. Plus! It's healthy in relationships if you want a successful long-lasting love. (One for another post.)

#3 Forgive yourself

It's okay to not be okay.

Forgiving yourself is important when developing a stronger 'you.' This took me soo long to fully accept and appreciate. I knew I was sensitive and I would hate myself for feeling feelings.

If I was every angry, I would tell myself to stop being silly and to be kind to everyone. If I was sad I would feel this on my own as I didn't want anyone to think I was weak.

If I was feeling annoyed, I didn't want people to tell me I was just too sensitive.

If I was excited and loud, I would dim my light in case people thought I was strange with my emotions.

For so LONG I lived this life. I never forgave myself for being.. me!

Until this year, when I practised self-love did I only discover what it means to forgive and love yourself.

It was so liberating when I finally did this and this is how:

By applying the same rules above I had a friend wrong me and I finally took a stance. I applied the healthy boundary rule and naturally, they retaliated by calling me 'ugly sensitive.' For the first time in my life, I responded, "Yes, I am a sensitive person and I love myself for it. So please stop." and I walked away. To my belief, I left this person with confusion and respect as they came back and apologised.

I was feeling anxiously nervous before and during but afterwards... WELL! It was a game-changer! When you own who you are and you don't apologise or change that for ANYONE, this is where true power shifts into your life. Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself whenever you are feeling any emotions and OWN that shit babe! People can't have power over you if you already own you.. don't allow anyone to

From now on I am okay with being a sensitive, emotional person and I fully accept this. I forgive myself and love-myself and now it's your turn.

#4 Practise gratitude

Those that are grateful can achieve greatness

The BEST tip that I can give you is to start a gratitude diary.

The reason for this is that being grateful when we are low can be very difficult for us to acknowledge, being grateful requires practice and intentionality.

By practising gratitude daily, it becomes a normal, healthy routine to mastering self-love. I have a gratitude list for different areas of my life, so for relationships, I have a list of all the things they do to help inspire me and make me a better person. For life, I write down what has currently happened such as an event I was invited to or free movie tickets I won. You want to choose different headings and write down what it is you are grateful for in that area.

Here are my gratitude ideas to get you started:

  • Warm and cosy bed.</